Back to Everyday life

I discussed with my agency Thursday, whether it is ok to publically post photos of our daughter, now that we are home. Unfortunately they believe it would still be better if we don't post any photos of her on our blog at this time, so sadly I can't share photos of here her....she is however incredibly happy, smiling her funny little lobsided grin whenever she gets the chance.

Our youngest son is big into being an oppositional defiant 2 1/2 year old, and part of that is that he yells "NOOOO!!!" at the mere mention of smiling for a camera, so that leaves our oldest for most of the photos who at 4 years old can be quite a ham.
(The two year old is so into saying no, that yesterday when I told him he could get of of his time out chair now and go and play, firmly yelled NOOOO! I don't want to play!! and sat back down on the time out chair)



We’re getting back to our routine. Bug went with us to see the lion king. He was so excited he had made a little giraffe mask in preschool and asked to wear it to the musical. Ok, I’m biased, but I thought he was adorable. He loved the show and walked all the way back to the car making giant giraffe steps. All week since then, it’s been non-stop fantasy play about the lion king for him. He’s pretended to be every character in the show.

I told one of my patients that Shanti’s name means “peace” so she promptly went out and bought her the cutest top which of course says “Peace” in little blue peace signs.

Then today we went up to the lake to pull the dock out of the water…well, James pulled the dock out and I kept the kids out of the way. It was the kids first long ride in the car together. They did pretty well, although at about halfway (45 min) Shanti decided she had had enough of the carseat thing and fussed until she fell asleep. Shanti also seemed a little shocked by being out in nature. She was fascinated that the ground was cold and damp. She going to be shocked when snow falls. I’m sure we’ll make her into a Alaska girl soon enough though.

How long will it take?

The answer is in flux, and depends a great deal on the country you are from. There are two main parts of the adoption process once you’re in Nepal.

1. Nepal government process – about 7 - 9 days (assuming no Nepali holidays) Your agency’s rep should get permission to visit the child in the orphanage for you, and then you visit your child in the orphanage for about 7 days. The last day should be your day to meet with the Ministry of Women Children and Social welfare to finalize your adoption (under Nepali law). You also need to get your child’s Nepal travel document after your adoption is finalized (like a passport)

2. Your country’s process – variable based on country. Some countries pretty much take the Nepali adoption decree as final and automatically approve your child’s entry into your home country. Others like the US, have their own set of criteria the child must meet to be able to immigrate. The US requires that the child meets the requirements of being an orphan as defined by US immigration rules. The US embassy will evaluate the information they are given, and may further investigate any issues that they think are questionable (RFE – Request for Evidence – up to 12 weeks). If the US embassy thinks your child is not an orphan by US standards, it will issue a NOID (Notice of Intent to Deny), and they will not allow the child to enter the US unless it is appealed and further investigation shows the child does meet US criteria of being an orphan.

It appears that the US is instituting a pre-approval process like what used to occur in Guatemala so people don’t unexpectedly get caught up in a very long visit to Nepal. (In Guatemala, the US embassy would review the adoption paperwork prior to the adoption being finalized under Guatemalan law – so referral first, then pre-approval by the US embassy, then adoption finalized by Guatemala, then final approval by the US embassy (usually 2 -3 working days after the embassy interview) That would keep the in country time to about 2 weeks total. (7-9 days Nepal government process plus 3-4 working days US embassy process)

At least this is the way I understand it….I’m probably not completely accurate on some of the details.

How much will it cost?

You can go cheap, or you can go fancy….all depends on your comfort level and what you expect.

Airfares – highly variable – $2000. – 6000 per person. depending on your route, your carrier, your timing + airfare for your child home. We got very lucky and flew on frequent flyer so our total airfare was $180 for the two of us and another $156 for a lap seat for our daughter on the return.

Hotel – reasonable comfortable from $35/day to major more upscale at $100+/day (don’t forget about the tax and service charge (sometimes referred to as “plus, plus”) which add about 23% onto your bill) Our rate at the Yak and Yeti was $90 plus, plus which ran about $110/night. So for us at 21 nights....about $2300

Food – if you eat in one of the more spendy hotels plan at least $10-$15/meal/person for the buffet. If you eat reasonable restaurants outside of the nicer hotels $3-$7/meal/person (also subject to tax and service chage)

Transportation – most anywhere in the city $3.33 or less by taxi (250 rupee) – although a variable depending on time of day, your desire to bargain, and whether it’s a round trip (the driver waits an hour or two for you then takes you home) I figured between orphanage trips, trips to various ministries, doctor appointments, embassies and sightseeing we took about 35 trips

Visa Fees – ask your agency – some agencies cover other’s do not – ours agency covered, so I’m not sure of the cost. – I think about $400

Gifts – we brought small gifts for orphanage workers, our Nepal rep, and ministry workers (10 -15 small gifts (like regional candies, hats, mugs, pins, inexpensive bracelets made of regional stones) at $2 - $6 each. Plus we spent about $100 in Nepal on clothing/shoes that we took to the orphanage.

Tourism (besides the cost of taxi) it costs 100 – 750 rupee/person ($1.30. - $10.00) to visit some of the sights

Internet access $6.50 - $13.00/day for wifi at some hotels . Much cheaper but less convenient if you use an internet café near yr hotel

Laundry $0.70-$1.40 /kilo of laundry at many places in Thamel, but very expensive if you have it done in yr hotel (like $10/kilo)

Sorry my math doesn’t exactly match up….I generally did the conversion from US dollars to Nepali rupee in my head. It’s about 75 rupee to 1 dollar.

Coming up for Air

We did make it home… almost 7 days ago now. It has been a whirlwind since then. Or maybe it’s just seemed like a whirlwind with everyone adjusting to local time, local weather, being back at work, and for the boys, back at daycare. But perhaps most significantly, we are adjusting to now being a family of 5.

The night we got home, the boys were waiting with my mother at our house. They were so excited to actually meet their new sister. I was nervous, expecting the worst….tears, Shanti being upset at sharing her new mommy with two other kids, the boys not understanding why their little sister was scared of them, not wanting to share their mommy with this new kid in their house…..but none of that was true. The boys were so happy to finally meet Shanti and were enthralled by her. We had been showing Shanti photos of her brothers for the week before we came home; it really seemed to help too. Shanti warmed up to them almost immediately and within 5 minutes she was playing with toys they had brought to her out of their toybox. My mother had prepped the boys that Shanti might be scared at first and they needed to be gentle with her, but no worries. Within a day and a half, Shanti was fully holding her own and happy to challenge anyone who questioned her ownership of every ball in the house.




Shanti is also slowly warming up to the other people in her life. She loves to play with her daddy now and even occasionally will let him comfort her. She also has accepted my mother after a rough 4 hours on our first Monday back. Unfortunately I had to go back to work the day after we returned from Nepal, so my mother has been watching her while I’m at work. They say it’s not the best for a newly adopted child’s attachment to have other caregivers in so soon….but given being gone from work for 4 weeks, there really wasn’t any other choice. We do the best we can as parents.

So we’re doing well, we’re happy, and we’re a family. It just feels so right……chaotic, but right.

Airport details

We made it on the plane from Kathmandu to Seoul, but not without some drama. I had called Kore*n Air Kathmandu office 4 days before we left to let our airline know that we were bringing Shanti back with us as a lap child. “No problem, you’ll have to pay taxes and a small fee” ….Is there anything else you need….her travel document number? My visa card number? “No it’s all done…no problem”. I hang up and think, wow, that was easy……I really should have thought…”Hmmmmm that was _too_ easy”

So we reconfirm our flight the night before and the morning of, just to be safe. We give ourselves plenty of time to get to the airport (leave the hotel 3 hours before our flight) . Surprisingly with Dashain festivities there is virtually no traffic and we make it to the airport in record time and we get in the line to check in. Small problem; there is no record of us having a lap child. After 20 minutes or so, they understand what we need, and tell us it’ll cost $260-something. No problem….oh there is a problem….we traveled on frequent flyer mileage tickets and for some reason they can’t connect a lap child to a frequent flyer ticket….now the airline employee’s suggest we stay in Kathmandu for a few days while they sort this out (No…..please don’t say that! I’m so ready to be home), so after 90 minutes of biting my nails, and after the full time efforts of 5 heroic KAL employees one of them finally smiles….they’ve done it! I’m so relieved I can’t describe it….but it was short lived. I pull out my credit card “You don’t have cash?” Apparently they’re not set up at the airport to take credit cards. We finally realize we can use our credit card to get a cash advance. J walks with the ticket agent to the airport bank where they get the cash. Somehow the price has changed to only $159. And now we’re late, so late we get to have an escort to help us run from point to point and cut ahead in line. We rush up the stairs (for some reason the airport no longer charges a $23. exit tax) to the second security checkpoint where they open up our bags and go through absolutely everything – opening up makeup containers, flipping though papers, books and everything else. Although they allow a 10 oz package of premade dal (what would no doubt be considered a liquid in the US), apparently small toy balls filled with air are contraband, so Shanti’s little yellow ball that she loves so dearly gets to stay in Kathmandu. Next stop Customs where they need not only our passports, Shanti’s travel document and the declaration sheet you got when you entered the country, but also a copy of Shanti’s adoption decree and a copy of her travel document (make copies and bring them with you). Finally we pass through and make it to the gate as the plane is boarding. 6 hours later we are finally in Seoul. Clean orderly, quiet Seoul. One step closer to home.